One Step at a Time: January 2012

Sunday, January 8, 2012

Breaking in the New Camera

"Okay. Pretend like you're telling me some bad news."

"Pretend like you're selling me some drugs."

"Let's pretend like we're REALLY mad at each other."

Fail.

Take two: fail.

Take three!

IT SNOWED!!!

My heart is happy.

Kindergarten Quotes

Me: "How was your weekend?" Student: "We don't do weekends. We do chores."
Me: We don't eat paper." Student: "I like paper."
Student with new glasses: "My mom buyed me glasses because I have tentacles in my eyes."
"My nose hurts when I pinch it."
Student, to me: "You look so beautiful today!" Another student: "Yeah, and your teeth look so shiny!"
"It took like 24 years for my baby [brother] to come out."
"Look at my teeth! I used squash to make them pretty." (Mouthwash)
(Excitedly whispering in my ear): "I have a crush on.... (pauses) .... what's his name?"
"Snow is like ice cream; it just has no flavor."
"Yeah, sometimes snot gets in my hair."
"It smells like snow."
"Teacher, today someone fell in love with me during math."
"Today we used the booger-sucker-upper."
"When I grow up I'm going to marry Max." (Another student in the class.)
"Dad ruined mommy's day yesterday."
"Sometimes my body makes me cry for no reason."
"Miss Merrill, I just heard a fart smell."
"Did you know I'm a mermaid? I just have to touch saltwater, but I sometimes stay dry in my mind."
"Jack is my boyfriend. He doesn't like me, but we're going to get married."
(Re-giving a section of a test to a student) "Next time will you listen closer when I'm giving the test?" Student: "Yeah. My ears were just sore during that part."
Student, to me: "You sound like a guy!"
Student (raised hand): "My pencil fell on the floor." Me: "Well, pick it up."
Student: "Have you ever eaten a chokey?" Me: "A chokey?" Student: "The thing you pick the leaves off and eat?" Me: "A turkey that you pick the feathers off?" Student: "Yes!"
Me: "Who can name Coloumbus' ships all by themselves?" Student: "The Nina, the Pizza, and the Santa Maria."
Me: "What is the country below the United States?" Students: "Idaho!"
Student: "I'm getting school sick." Me: "Oh really? What does that mean?" Student: "It means you're tired of everything and you're getting sick."
"Did you know when people get married they sometimes have to have a baby?"
Student: "Guess what? I have TWO pockets. That's awesome! And guess what?" Me: "What?" Student: "I love you!"
"I'm allergic to the sun."
"I heard a mysterious figure in the hall. . . "
Student: "Guess how we're going to earn money to go to Disneyland." Me: "How?" Student:"Sell stuff." Me: "What will you sell?" Student: "I don't know all the stuff, but I know we're going to sell our fire hydrant."
Girl: "Don't be embarassed when I get a mohawk, okay? Because I'm going to get a mowhawk."
Student: (in a discussion about birds): "Chuck Norris can fly."
Me: "Which presidents are on Mount Rushmore?" Student: "President Lincoln, President Obama, Teddy Roosevelt, and George Washington."
Student: " I went to Fiji for spring break." Me: "No way! Really?" Student: (pause) "Wait, no, I didn't go to Fiji. I went to Idaho, to visit my grandma."
Student (talking about dolls): "I have a boy one and a girl one now, so they can be lovey-dovey friends."
"MIss Merrill, did you know our bodies are made of dust?"
"My spit is driving me crazy when I swallow it!"
Student (talking about Spring Break plans): "I'm going on a cruise to Nevada!"
Child A (showing a missing tooth): "I got $2" Me: "Wow. The tooth fairy is nice to you!" Child B: "I got $25!" Child C: "This tooth is worth sixty hundred dollars!"
"My mom told me you've never been married. When are you going to get married?"
Me (reviewing a writing prompt for an assignment): "Amy, why are you lucky?" Amy: "Because I have three best friends - Lucy, Jane, and . . . (whispering to her friend) . . . what's your name?"
Student (after a mom has made a comment to the class about the importance of going to college): "I'm not going to college, 'cause they don't have any playgrounds."
(Me, eating a KitKat during recess) Student (whose mom doesn't allow sugar): "Is that sugar? Why do you eat sugar?" Me: "That's a good question." Student: "You're a teacher. And I don't eat sugar!"
"What if you took off your eye and put it in your ear?"
"When I was a baby, my mom thought I had three eyes."
(After I drew a cartoon cow on the whiteboard): "You are good at drawing cows! You are better than our mom! You are like a hundred good!"
"I ate some lettuce last night, and it cursed me!"
"How do teachers get so smart?"
To me: "Your hair is so, so beautiful. I just love you." (Automatic A+ for him. :)
"Miss Merrill, my [stuffed] porcupine is a male, even though it wears dresses."
Student, being poked in the arm by another child: "Don't! That's my favorite arm!"
Birthday card addressed to me: "Mis. Merowil"
Student: Why do you have glasses? Me: To help my eyes see better. Another student: Are your eyes blonde? (blind?. . . )
"Grandpa died. He's a ghost. But he doesn't haunt us."
"You know why tacos are healthy? They have crunchy things in them. And they're crunchy."
Student to me (I had almost completely lost my voice due to a cold): "You kind of sound like a grandpa right now." Another student's response to my voice, later: "We need to get you to the hospital!"
Student to me: "You look funny when your hair's curled."
Student: "Miss Merrill, I'm a teenager now!!" Me: "No way! How do you know?!" Student: "I'm five and a half!"
Student, working on handwriting page: "Do you know why I stick out my tongue like this? It makes me work harder."
Me (pointing to picture of Mount Rushmore): ". . .and this is Thomas Jefferson. . ." Student: "Where's Thomas S. Monson?"
Principal: "What are some ways we can be kind to one another and show respect?" Student: "Well, if someone dies, we can go to their funeral."
"My brother got hurt playing football, so he had to have surgery on his tenders." (tendons?. ..)
Me: "I'm going to address my postcard to my mom. You can address yours to the person you want to give it to." Student, (incredulous): "You have a MOM?!"
Me: "Wow! How did you know that? [answer to a math question]" Child: "From my brain - because of all the video games I play!"
"Hey teacher? I've been trained. I know how to be a Jedi."
Child A: "My favorite thing is swinging on the swings." Child B: "My favorite thing is getting money." (Amen, brother!)
"Thomas Jefferson wrote the Invitation." [Declaration]
"Miss Merrill? . . . I like your eyebrows."
"I want to go home - my paper cut hurts so bad!"
"You know that President Arack Obama? He 's made some bad choices."
"I feel like I have the swine flu. My body is so delicate."
Boy: "Today sucks!! My sister made me play a girl game for TWO MINUTES!!"
(Me, explaining +2 math facts) Student: You talk a lot!
("How do we get a President [of the United States]?") Student: "Well, they start out as a boy. . . "
"Um, Miss Merrill, did you know that we were babies up in heaven before we came here?"
"I have armpits like my mom" (in a discussion about what traits we have like our parents)
Student: "Guess what? I have TWO pockets. That's awesome! And guess what?" Me: "What?" Student: "I love you!"