About Wednesday I was consumed with this thought:
I'm drowning.
I'm keeping my head above water, and that's about it. Not because it's awful. But because I never reach that point where I sigh and say "Ah. That's done. Well done. Check. Next project." It's a constant race on all fronts. I suppose it's like being a mom. The class is clean; three hours later it's messy. The grades were done; there's a brand new stack of stuff to grade. Email parents/coworkers/administration about this; set up for that; document this; get this lesson ready. You could do it a bazillion times better if you had more time (but somehow when you do have extra time you want to spend it doing non-teacherish things).
So, what gives?
Luckily between the "I'm drowning" moments, there are (usually many more) moments that remind me that it's worth it and that I can/want to keep going. Luckily, yesterday was one of those days that brought with it a renewed perspective. Our class had a "Happy Birthday America" celebration (we've been learning about America gaining its independence) completely headed up by some amazing parents. They led the festivities and I was free to be the helper instead of the organizer. Pin the star on the flag, America bingo, a finger paint flag, and Uncle Sam hats. I was able to step back a bit and enjoy my kids and talk to the parents instead of stressing about being the coordinator. It was fun. It kind of restored my senses. I do love teaching kindergarten (and not just on celebration days when parents are in charge, haha :).
For the rest of the day (the PM class), I was a little more positive, a little more energetic. Of course the kids can sense this: they were more positive, more cooperative. I remembered why I love teaching.
I feel like even though in most senses I'm still drowning in stuff that needs to be done yet won't ever technically be finished (Bah. It's Saturday and I still have to go finish some stuff at the school) I can keep treading water.
Some of the reasons its worth it:
- Seeing my kids make progress: the kids who in August didn't know "a" from "o" but now can read short stories, who couldn't write their names but now can write much more than that. And from that, the feeling that my job is purposeful. (As opposed to, say, my college custodial job of cleaning things that weren't that dirty in the first place . Did it really matter if I showed up?Just kidding.)
- Getting paid for singing songs with 5- & 6-year-olds about Abraham Lincoln, counting by twos, the seven continents; reciting poetry; dancing
- Having more than two days off for Christmas break (I promise, this was not a decisive factor in my becoming a teacher, but I love it)
- Sharing books at story time and seeing the children completely silent and enraptured
- Moments when children say/do something so hilarious that it's all you can do not to giggle
- Moments when the momentum is completely there: everyone is on board going full steam and trying their hardest
- Excitement in the kids' eyes the first day of school and hearing them, or their parents, say how much they love it
- Hugs, notes, kind words from the kids
- Support, kind words, assistance, and faith and trust from parents who love their children and support me as their child's teacher
Those are some of the things that make it great. I guess, in a sense, there is a moment when I can say "Done. Check. Next.": summertime. But I am not wishing that upon myself yet. That would mean it's time to pass of this batch of kids to first grade, and it is not time for that, yet. :)
